In my 20s and 30s, self-care was another task on my to-do list. I fit in spa visits between work deadlines, did my skincare routine late at night, and attended yoga classes when I remembered. It looked good on paper, but I didn’t always feel good inside.
Once I reached my 40s, everything changed. I stopped valuing being “busy” and started seeking genuine fulfillment. I didn’t just want to take care of myself; I wanted to feel truly well.
Taking care of yourself is crucial. It means setting limits, finding peace, and taking care of both your body and mind.
A recent YouGov survey illustrates that 61% of women in the UK practice self-care to improve their mental and emotional well-being, while 50% do it to reduce stress. This reflects a national trend that aligns with my growing interest in self-care during midlife.
Methods I Use Now That Self-Care Feels Essential
Here are the five methods I use now that self-care feels essential:
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Redefining Boundaries as Self-Love
In my younger days, saying “no” felt like letting someone down. I constantly pushed my limits, diving headfirst into every social event and taking on additional responsibilities, driven by the fear of missing out or disappointing others.
But as I reached my forties, I discovered a powerful truth: boundaries aren’t barriers – they are gateways to self-respect. Opting out of a late-night gathering to prioritise rest or setting clear work hours isn’t selfish – allowing me to honour my needs and recharge in an empowering way.
In fact, 85% of the UK employees experienced burnt out from work-related stress, while about 47% needed time off to safeguard their mental health. These numbers show that pushing ourselves too hard without limits can have serious consequences.
What I Recommend: Start small. Choose one evening each week as your time – no obligations, just activities that refresh you. Clearly and communicate your boundaries; those who respect you will understand.
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Reclaiming Stillness Over Hustle
At one point, I proudly wore my hectic plan like a badge of honour. The grind culture had me convinced that endless busyness was synonymous with success. Every day was a race, and I always pushed forward, believing unchanging engagement was the key to achievement.
I have recently discovered the power of stillness and sincerely appreciate the quietness that comes with stillness. Whether taking a peaceful morning stroll, writing down my thoughts by candlelight, or even enjoying a quiet moment with a warm cup of tea, these simple pleasures refresh my spirit more than any achievement ever could. I have found true rejuvenation in these calm moments and am learning to embrace them fully.
What I Recommend: Take short moments of quiet daily. Five minutes of deep breathing or silence can help lower stress and clear your mind.
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Finding Nourishment, Not Just Nutrition
In my younger days, dieting often felt like a grind, consumed by restrictions – constantly counting calories, cutting out carbs, and chasing after an ideal that always seemed just out of reach. My focus was more on appearances than on proper health and wellness.
I have changed how I think about food. I now view it as necessary for my health and well-being. I pick foods that give me energy, help my hormones, and improve my health. I often cook cosy dishes like hearty lentil soups and comforting porridge with seeds and spices. Each bite feels warm and satisfying, making every meal a happy experience.
What I Recommend: Pay attention to how your body feels. Choose whole foods that give you energy and make you happy. Remember, eating well is about enjoying your food as much as getting nutrients.
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Letting Faith and Sacred Spaces In
One of the most surprising ways self-care has shifted for me is by reconnecting with something spiritual. I don’t talk about faith often – but during a trip to the U.S., I visited Savannah Orthodox, a small Orthodox church in Georgia. Just sitting in that sacred space – with candles flickering, everything still – did more for my nervous system than any meditation app ever has.
That encounter stirred memories of the profound peace that sacred places can offer, transcending any individual belief. It’s about uncovering those special spots that invite reflection and promote a sense of calm, allowing us to connect with something greater than ourselves.
What I Recommend: Find spots that make you feel calm. This could be a local church, a quiet park, or a comfy spot in your home. Spending time in these peaceful places can help you relax and recharge.
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Prioritising Peace Over Performance
It’s too easy to get swept up in the endless dance of performance, crafting a polished version of ourselves for the world to see in today’s social media landscape. I used to feel this pressure to constantly excel, always putting on a show, as if I had to be “on” at all times.
But I’ve made a deliberate shift: peace has become my top priority. I’ve learned to break free from the need for external validation and focus instead on what truly brings me joy. This transformation has been incredibly liberating, letting me embrace a more authentic and fulfilling life.
According to a recent report from the National Library of Medicine, 41% of adults in the UK have reduced social media use in the past year to protect their mental health. This shows a national change towards valuing peace over online activity.
What I Recommend: Regularly check how you use digital devices. Unsubscribe from accounts that make you feel anxious or compare yourself to others. Change your digital spaces to support your quest for inner peace.
Conclusion
In my forties, self-care has changed for me. It is no longer just a list of tasks; it is now a way of life. Self-care means listening to what I need, embracing quiet moments, and caring for my body and mind purposefully, not out of obligation.
This journey isn’t about being perfect but about showing up for myself in small and meaningful ways. When we let go of unrealistic standards and focus on what truly helps us, self-care becomes something we want to do instead of something we should do.
As we go through midlife, let’s allow ourselves to slow down, pay attention to our needs, and redefine self-care on our own terms.